Feeling nervous about getting married? It’s totally normal.
Getting married is a major life transition that can come with a list of doubts. Both men and women can have moments before walking down the aisle where they question if they are making the right decision. As with any major life decision, it is important to evaluate why you are headed in the direction you are, but also know that if you are having doubts, it does not mean your marriage is doomed. Sometimes the concept of marriage and the stress and anxiety leading up to the big day lend more to your doubts than how you feel about the other person. If you are getting ready to get married and are having doubts about whether he or she is “the one,” it is important to remember why you started the relationship in the first place, and the parts of your partner that you fell in love with. Sometimes this requires investing a bit of time reflecting on yourself, or speaking to loved ones about your doubts. Consider the tips below if you are questioning your marriage before the big day.
1. Meditate on it
If you are having doubts or feeling anxious as you approach your wedding day, consider taking some time out of each day to relax a bit and meditate on the issue. Meditation requires you to slow down and focus on your thoughts in a positive and healthy way. Meditation can help you quiet the noise and really explore why you’re feeling anxious and/or doubtful. An honest assessment of your doubts can help you determine if you just have pre-wedding jitters, are feeling overly stressed with planning, or if you’re needing to address something deeper such as red flags, insecurities, or previous relationship trauma. Knowing the root of your doubts can help you determine the best path to resolution.
2. Realize you are not alone
There are millions of other people who have had the same doubts as you before getting married. In a recent Reddit AskWomen thread, women share stories about whether or not they had doubts on their wedding day and how it all worked out in the end. Elite Daily broke down this thread even further, and it may surprise you just how many people are unsure until wedding day.
3. List the top 10 reasons you are getting married
When we enter a new chapter in life, even if it’s one we whole-heartedly know we want, doubt can create some confusion. Get a pen and paper and start writing down the first 10 things that come to mind when you think about spending forever with your significant other. These can be little things like having a shared hobby or common interest—anything that makes you excited about making the commitment is fair to write down. This can help you realize that although you may have a handful of doubts, you also have other reasons why you are in the relationship and why you decided to get married in the first place.
4. List the top reasons you’re feeling doubtful, and review them with someone you trust
It is completely normal for major life events to bring in shadows of doubt. Doubt, in and of itself, is not a red flag. It’s important, however, to acknowledge the doubt, as it can sometimes be a signal that something deeper needs to be explored. Putting it down on paper, and sharing it with someone else can help identify what triggers your doubt. Once you know where it is coming from, you can then determine the best way to move forward.
5. Spend some quality time with your significant other
Set up some alone time with your significant other and focus on how you feel in the present moment. This can be a simple date night, a vacation, or going back to doing things you used to do at the beginning of your relationship that inspired joy and laughter. Head to a concert with an artist you both love, or spend time making dinner together. Pick something you both like doing and stay in the present moment. Take note of how you feel when you’re with them. You may find that it’s just the stress of the wedding that has you feeling doubtful, or you may find that your doubt stems from something deeper. Whatever it is you feel in the moment, stay mindful of it. It is completely okay to feel whatever it is you’re feeling, and letting yourself explore thoughts and feelings, without judgment, is the first step in identifying what will make you feel better.
6. Premarital therapy
If your doubts are becoming overwhelming, or if you are noticing some red flags that have the doubts creeping in, it may be beneficial for you to try premarital therapy, with or without your partner. In therapy, you can openly explore your feelings in a safe space and determine ways to cope or actions to take toward feeling better about this new chapter in your life.
Being nervous before the big day is normal. However, if these concerns are truly impacting your mental health and wellbeing, consider reaching out to us for a safe space to explore your feelings. We offer individual, couple, premarital, and family therapy that is focused on improving communication, setting boundaries, and providing a place where you can safely and openly explore and express your feelings.
Check out our related article: How Do You Know if You Love Someone?